Negative

Even though I feel negative and the mood in my life has changed somewhat, I refuse to let it bring me down.

It's quiet tonight. Everything makes sense in some sense and mostly doesn't. I mean I see the cause; the effect, but accepting that is not acceptable.

I see, hear, talk to, and reject people on a daily basis. I embrace many in my every day life and hope for some sense of recognition but it doesn't always happen. As I contemplate many things right now- so many many things, the most pressing one on my mind is the people that I love or loved. They made me, molded me, and continue to shape the person I am. The influence that I allow them is tremendous. Who would I be today without them? Would I be typing this? Would I have been better off? Would I be worst off? Should I have remained with one of them? And then the quiet settles and I realize that I'm exactly where I should be thinking exactly what I should be thinking. What I'm think is, "I'm alright."

Life is perspective and being able to see the mistakes and learn from them makes life worth living again and again. So everything makes sense and mostly doesn't. To the people I have wronged, I'm sorry. To the people that have wronged me, it's ok- I've forgive or forgotten. To the people I love, I will not forget.

Everything tonight makes sense but in many ways doesn't.

The Kitty

The interesting things that continues to happen to me. So I get in last night about 6:30 from my trip from Atlanta. I open the front door and a wave of heat attacks me. Apparently the thermostat is broken so the heat ran on high for 2 days... making it about 99 degrees in the house... cause I don't think it could register any higher. I turned off the breaker to stop the heat and open all the windows and cracked my patio door.
About an hour, I hear scratches at that door and it starts to open a bit. Tobey, I affectionately named him, stuck his little kitten head inside and meowed a couple times. Well, I thought the little guy must be have been lost and hungry and was about to open the door and let him in. Well, no need- he strolled his little kitty ass inside my place and started making himself at home. He walked into bedroom, the closet, back into the hallway, then the living room and the kitchen. Every so often he would roll around on the carpet and rub his side and back on the walls... I thought maybe he had fleas but someone today told me he was marking his territory.
Yes my apartment now apparently belongs to Tobey. After a few minutes of him making himself at home I tried to get him to go out. Well... he would't so eventually I had to pick him up and put him outside. I gave him some warm milk and pull pork BBQ though while he was out there. He kept scratching at the door and meowing wanting to get back in but I didn't let him. It's funny that I've never seen him around and he's never scractched at my door before- yet he was making my place his home LOL. I left the door cracked tonight waiting for him to come back for some more food but not a sign. I hope he's doing alright--- maybe he's caught Jerry and having a nice feast.
And yes, I have photos and also a video that will be on Youtube. I don't usually believe in signs but maybe someone's trying to tell me I need a kitten :P

Check Trays

So 4 of us had dinner at Roaster's...
when we got our checks, they sat in these trays- 3 says thank you in English, one in Japanese. Guess which one I got.



Bringing sexy back :)

A Dream...

I died in my dream and went to *heaven. I asked for another chance; one more last chance on earth but with time turned back a bit. The alarm clock went off, "beep, beep, beep." I woke up and was back...

I do not love you...

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

that this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

-Pablo Neruda

Financial planning for gay couples

Being prepared is a good thing.

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/CollegeAndFamily/LoveAndMoney/FinancialPlanningForGayCouples.aspx?GT1=8690

Best Food

Bryan made me the best seafood and pasta that I've ever tasted. It was blackened chicken, shrimp, mushroom, and lobster alfredo pasta with garlic bread YUM! I'm still munching on it right now for lunch.

There is a moth in my freezer- and I'm not sure how it got there!

Shadows & Light

Remembering

Before when I searched for JC's name on Google, the first result was the guestbook and obituary. A search now for his name yields his poem. It's more fitting this way. I'm happy.

“Tell me and I’ll forget. Show me and I may remember. Involve me and I’ll understand.”

-Confucius

Thoughts and Update

So I saw the interview with Barbara Walters and Terri Irwin last night. This was the first interview she gave since Steve died. The entire time I just thought, "these two were made for each other...it was like a down under fairy book come true..." At times, she referred to Steve as her prince and the anecdotes she shared would make anybody cry. In some ways I had that as well...and just didn't realize it or took it for granted.

As I move forward, dating has been pretty hard. I'm forcing myself to move forward but 0nly feel like I'm going backwards. I end up disappointing people that I date because my heart and soul is just not into it. Most just want the insta-lationship; add water and go. A few think they love me after a couple dinners. Of course there's always the ones that just want the one-night deal... I guess I'm at a point that I know exactly what I want and there are very few people in this world that can fill that application. The person, whomever he may be, will be the luckiest guy ever- as well I. He won't even have to waddle in front of me in a swamp to protect me from crocs either!

My friend Dan came down over the weekend from Michigan. He is considering a move away from his small town to somewhere warmer and where people outnumber cows. We went to Mirror the first night and he got this blue martini of some sort with a glow bracelet as garnish. It was freakn' cool! I ended up having a Almond Cigar...it was an amazing drink actually...with I think whiskey, amaretto almond liqueur, and lime juice. Unfortunately I was driving for the evening so my alcohol intake was minimal. Dan had the shrimp pasta and was nothing like he thought. It had artichokes, unknown greens, and some other interesting spices...I liked it though but very untraditional. I ended up having the chicken cordon bleu which also was very untraditional. It was small piece of chicken grilled with goat cheese and maybe canadian ham on a bed of mushrooms and olives. I actually liked it alot but the portion was awful. When the dinner portion is not enough to soak up one alcoholic drink- then it's not enough!

From dinner, we headed over to Tribe to drink some more. It was a weird music video night- lots of mixed old scary videos and newer ones. There were a few cute guys but usually they look good from a distance but the prada falls out of their mouth when they talk. <--- Total turn off. We made our way to Lucky's Garage afterwards, of course he's nice and tipsy and I'm about there too. (It's always fun to find drink transactions on your credit card that you don't remember ordering lol) From there we headed over to the Chute for the 1AM drag show. We picked out a table up front before the show started and I had told him about The Pantomime Rage, Bianca Paige. I think he was scared about what I was getting him into hehe. Shortly after I told him about her, Miss Piage came up behind us to say hello. Of course the raspy smoker's coughed-up-lung voice took Dan by complete surprise. Luckily he was already nice and toasty so was a bit slow. It was a good show- I had a couple of cran-mandarin vodkas and we called it a night.

So here goes the highlight of the evening. About 2 miles from my apartment on Nolensville, Dan, out of the blue, says, "STOP!" I looked at him and smiled and thought he had to pee or something. He says it again and he had this sickly disgruntled look on his face- and I turned into the next parking lot I possibly could. Next thing I hear my door open and it SPEWED! I thought, whew, I made it and it's all outside the car. Upon further inspection my thoughts were wrong. He actually threw up starting front the front windshield in front of him, onto my right front speaker, then my right side window, down the armrest, onto the carpet, then outside the car, and on his arm. And yes I cleaned it up the next day too... and no, you don't want to know what 8-9 jack and cokes smell like back outside the body.

Sunday- we headed over to Downtown for the whole sober tourist walk thru. It was simply a beautiful day; not too hot and not cold but a steady cool breeze under the sun. We went to Demos' for lunch and was probably the best meal I had in weeks- and the least expensive! From there we walked onto Commerce, 2nd Ave, Church St, 1st Ave, the Shelby Pedestrian Bridge, back down Broadway, and up 3rd Ave. Here are some scenery...




Check out the rest of the photos at www.flickr.com/photos/rcp120778

Anyways, that's my weekend. I'm really glad that I toured the city after being here almost 7 months!

Balance

Life is about balance; without it we become like a seesaw with mordidly obese person on one end and a small child on the other. Life becomes painful, unpredicatable, and difficult to sustain. Throughout life, we struggle to find balance in everything we do- work, food, entertainment, friends, and of course the ultimate balance of a mate.

JB and I weren't able to find that balance. The seesaw sometimes seemed to be and could have but there were always factors that made it tip one way or another. I was angry at myself and started to regret choices that I made. But in retrospect, the seesaw wouldn't have become balanced unless I gave up a bit of myself and self anger is not the answer. And since my catch phrase says I've been reassembled, no point in breaking it all over again.

The advice for people out there with an unbalanced life: examine yourself first and be able to live with yourself now. Take each variable out until you are balanced with yourself and your own life before trying to add to it. My grasshopper rant on this topic is done.

Fucking with Telemarketers!

I came across this post on Digg.com this morning submitted by fungifred. You have to check it out!

"A little while ago I put together a little application on our phone system so that when a telemarketer calls in, I can transfer them to this extension and annoy the hell out of them."

Lipstick Lounge

The Lipstick Lounge- a lavendar colored building on the corner of Woodland Street in East Nashville. From the outside, it is bright and loud. From the inside however, it's a quaint place. Pomegranite red line the walls as well as classic portraits. The ambiance is produced by the soft lighting all around while the stage dominates the front corner of the bar.

The best thing however is that you don't have to worry about someone hitting on your man.

wii vs ps3

This is a parody based on the Mac and PC commercials. Too damn funny!

Bits and Pieces

I have a journal that I am retiring. http://rcp120778.livejournal.com
It's been with me through quite a number of years and many trials and tribulations. It's been with me for 4 moves from Georgia to South Carolina, back to Georgia, and to Tennessee. It's been with me for 3 break ups and plenty of dates. It's been with me for the saddest moments in my life as well as the best. I think it's time to move on however since it embodies so much of what I was and not what I am today.

My journal will probably be best enjoyed with a cold beer or cocktail and loud music in the background. You will find me laid back, drama free, passionate about my beliefs, and forever loyal to those who I call friends. Comment, question, request, add, and be creative. I welcome your thoughts as I am offering mine. Enjoy!